'Tis the Season

I think the economy is hurting everybody this Christmas.  Let’s discuss what I’ve discovered at my bookselling job.  I believe the economy is affecting people’s shower habits.  At least that’s the impression I got this weekend at the bookstore.  While most years, retail employees have cranky customer horror stories, all of mine this year are about smelly customers.  I’d like to investigate this further, to see exactly how it ties into the economy, which I am quite sure is to blame.  I could interview the smelly customers.  I have a rough idea of my questions and the responses I’d get –

Me: Excuse me, sir, are you not showering because the economy has you too depressed to worry about personal hygiene?

Smelly customer one: (unintelligible muttering)

Me: I’m sorry, I can see that this down economy has you too depressed to answer.

Or Me: Ma’am, is your hiatus from showers an effort to save money on your water bill in this down economy?

Smelly customer two: Oh yes!  By not showering for a month, and not letting my children shower, we’ve been able to save enough to buy a Christmas Ham!  And I’ve saved money on sports activities for my children because the other kids don’t want them nearby!

Unfortunately, I’d have to invest in a good gas mask to do this, and I certainly can’t afford one the way the economy is these days.