Not So Far Off

The other day, a few months ago, I was cashiering at the bookstore.  A cute customer who I’d been exchanging smiles with came through the line, and we talked and flirted a bit.  About an hour later, he walked up to the cash registers again.  I noticed he wasn’t holding any merchandise, just a business card and a pen.  I thought, “hmm, I’m going to get a phone number” with a smile.  The customer walked up, and said, “How do you spell Sean’s name?  Can you give this to him?” waving the business card. 

Distorted

Has it ever happened to you where you’re happy to see somebody posted photos of you, and you excitedly look them up - as you flip through them, with dawning horror, you realize that you look terrible in every single one?  When did I gain 20 lbs?  What is my hair doing?  My nose is taking over my entire face!  GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! 

Not Quite Up to Expectations

The back of a can of Fabreze says, ‘Like a breath of fresh air.’  Let me ask you, if suddenly all the air were sucked out of your home, would you put your mouth on the can of Fabreze and inhale? 

Attracting Attention

I had a hard time writing this story out, because the best part of the story is a motion, but I’ve done my best to describe it. 

Mother and I went to the Art Institute of Chicago, and had lunch in the café.  We took our food outside, and sat next to their fountain.  Nobody was within a table of us, but there were about 30 tables, and around half of them full.  After lunch, I made a phone call to my aunt to get directions to her house.  I could hardly hear her over the splashing of 8 jets of water shooting from the orifices of the sculpted figures.  Add to that bad reception and the conversations of others, and I was struggling to get the directions.  I had a sheet of paper on my purse balanced on my lap, my phone between my ear and shoulder, one hand was holding the pen, and my other hand was plugging my other ear.  I was looking down as I was writing, and trying to verify as I wrote. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw some movement, and looked up. 

OK?

I want to start out saying that I generally try to stick pretty close to the truth as I see it.  That said, my mother wants me to say that she is a perfectly sane and rational person, who never freaks out over nothing, and is an astute observer of others.  She wanted to express that she accurately sees the world, and anything I say that may portray her to the contrary is entirely in my imagination or false observation.  I’ll let you decide.

Getting off the ground

Here's the start of my vacation stories:

The trip to the frozen tundra went better than expected.  There wasn’t any rain, and I only got one insult about my figure, two long “you need to go back to college” talks, and one tearful, “Where did I go wrong in raising you?” 

South Carolina Wildlife, etc.

My driveway has beautiful trees arching over it.  Unfortunately, in summer (which is about 9 months long here), those lovely trees are infested with spiders.  I used to park my motorcycle right under them at the bottom of the driveway.  At first, there were just spider webs on it occasionally, no big deal.  Then I’d sometimes have to brush off a spider.  I don’t like spiders.  Still, this wasn’t the end of the world.  Then it got to the point where I’d brush off webs every day.  One day after I’d been at work for about 10 minutes, I bent my head over my notebook, and a spider fell from my hair onto my desk. 

Why I Bought Pepper Spray

Friday evening at work, my one neighbor stopped in.  We'll call him Joe – he and his wife Sarah live 2 doors down from me.  He mowed my lawn the one time a few months ago.  He’s in his 60s, retired, plays a lot of golf.  He stopped in at the bookstore, and asked me where Ex’s been lately.  I said that he got his own apartment.   He said, ‘Oh, that’s why I haven’t seen the bike lately’.  I said, “No, actually, that’s another story – he got in an accident.”.  He said he was sorry, and headed out. 

About an hour later, he came back, having showered, shaved, and slathered on cologne.  He came up to me again, and asked, “What are you doing after work?” 

Alexander and the...

My dog sometimes runs away.  I think he has a girlfriend at one of the neighbors' houses.  When I put him outside, I put him on a tie-out, so he isn't just running free.  This morning as I was taking the garbage out before work, I saw a blur fly by me, and he was off. 

Lessons from the Bookstore

The past few days, the importance of the life lesson, "Think Before You Speak" has really been illustrated to me.  In SC, they have a tax-free weekend, where certain things don't have a sales tax.  It was a bit of a slow time cashiering, and a middle aged woman walked up to the cash register alone with a copy of a Hemmingway book.  I told her the total, and she said, "Isn't it tax free?"

Great is Great, but Awful is Funny

The other day, I went out with a group of coworkers and their friends.  I met somebody who I believe to be the most arrogant person in the greater Columbia area.  We’ll call him Steve, which isn’t his real name, because I’m not sure about the rules for portraying somebody in unflattering, if accurate, light.  I had the misfortune of getting seated next to Steve, as it was the only available chair. 

How do I know you?

A few months ago, I caved to Peer Pressure and joined Facebook.  While I am in my 20s, I find myself very out of place in the world of Social Media.  I think it's partly because I feel out of place socially in general.  I’m a little awkward.  So far, I have found some quirks in the Facebook system. 

Welcome to the New Year

I got my W2 from my bookstore job.  For all of my time and energy, not to mention everything I passed up or missed out on because I was working, I was compensated just over $8,000.  The more I think about it, the more it bothers me.  I could have made that much in a week turning tricks.