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Friday, October 1, 2010

Not Quite Up to Expectations

The back of a can of Fabreze says, ‘Like a breath of fresh air.’  Let me ask you, if suddenly all the air were sucked out of your home, would you put your mouth on the can of Fabreze and inhale? 
How do chemicals canned in a factory a couple of years ago qualify as fresh air?  I’m pretty sure that I can get fresh air for free by opening a window.  But maybe that’s just me.  I guess out at my mother’s farm, the air may technically be ‘fresh’, but ‘ripe’ is a better word when there are cows nearby.

When I was delayed in traveling, they gave me $18 in food vouchers, and I was very happy about this.  It was 9:00 at night, and I just needed dinner.  My plane left early in the morning, so I wouldn’t need to buy but one meal.  I was thrilled to have that much food money, until I realized that a cheeseburger cost $11.  So I topped it off with a $6 shake.  I did not have enough for fries.  It was a feast.   

The hotel wasn’t quite what I’d been expecting, either.  It was nice to spend the evening in a quiet room all by myself, because I’m really not a people person.  All the strangers trying to talk to me while I’m traveling and the conversations required to get my flight rescheduled really wore me out.  I’m generally pretty good at sending out ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes, but when people know they have you captive in an airplane, they get bolder.  I was just relaxing in my room, reading my book, when I heard something in the bathroom.  I was on my feet on the far side of the bed before I realized it was the toilet flushing.  I’d left the door to the bathroom mostly shut, but it had definitely been unoccupied when I’d left it.  I snuck around the bed, threw open the bathroom door, and looked in the shower.  It was all still unoccupied.  The toilet spontaneously flushed and ran about once an hour all night.  With my already stressed nerves, I got a great night’s sleep.

On the flight the next morning, they had the plane temperature set to freezing.  I couldn’t get my AC jet to swivel off, so I bundled up in my coat and huddled away from the pressurized air.  At least it wasn’t spraying Fabreze. 

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